1,2,3,4

Give me more loving than I've ever had,
Make it all better when I'm feeling sad,
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not,
Make it feel good when I hurt so bad, Barely getting mad,
I'm so glad I found you; I love being around you

You make it easy, it's easy as 1,2 - 1,2,3,4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do
I love you.

Boyfriend.. I love you. I am sorry for being childish and immature and all that crying earlier today. I used to cry a lot, but I thought I've grown up and learned to keep my tears.. appearantly I'm still a crying baby and nothing has improved. I don't like to show that side of me very much tho... I don't like to tell people when I'm sad or is being upset with something.. I would tell my close friends because I know they'd care for me but won't think about it too much afterwards. But I don't feel like making my boyfriend all that worried about his girlfriend.. I want to talk about happy things and make him happy.. I care about you so much my boyfriend.. that I feel silly/bad to tell you things like that.. I want you to be happy being with me, not listen to your girlfriend saying what's upsetting her and how she doesn't enjoy life or whatever things she's not satisfy with.. I don't want to be a panicking monster and make my boyfriend hear all those trash all the time.. you know?

I love you soooo much... I love you so much that.. it scares me a lot.... I wouldn't dare to make a tinnest mistake that would lead to losing you.. What if you get sick of listening me talking about those silly worries.. what if you think "hmm this girl isn't the right girl I'm looking for.. she complains too much.." I don't want to lose you.. and I don't even dare to think of life without you. I am also scared.. the more dependent on you, the less independent I am and it's not good. I want to be great and independent and make you proud of me and love me more.. I want to be big and great and awesome and so... there won't be any chances of you leaving me behind. I am sorry.. but I am so scared. I am so scared of one day, one day you'll tell me to go away..

I am sorry... I got to be soo sensitive and insecured.. For a second I thought you don't care about me and you don't really love me...... I don't know why I would think that way. I miss you sooo much.. and not being able to see you make me wonders about a lot of those things... SOmetimes I would even scare myself and I thought everything was simply a dream, Zach Owens had never fell in love with Wincy Ho.. Sometimes it seems like there's no evidence that we're in love... and maybe, maybe it was really a dream. Loving you is like a dream come true, that worries me even more that genie will come one day and take all that away from me.



I am sorry boyfriend... This is such a bad post.. I'm still sad at the fact that people are leaving me... AND they are not just "friends" to me.. Anila is a very special person in my life, she shaped the Wincy today you see, and without her I wouldn't have been so confident about myself as a leader or whatever you call. She was always here, since the day I stepped into Orange City till now, she was always here for me and give me advices.. I thought I would have her till the day I graduate, and I thought I would have her longer than this. She was not just a friend.. and I wished I could have spent more time with her and learned from her. She was always the one who told me that she was proud of me and she loves me so.. This is one of the e-mails from her that I would never delete it from my e-mail. Reading it reminds me a lot of her, and I miss her so.....

Hey Wincy,
So...yeah...there are certain students I have whom I simply adore. You are totally one of them. Not only do I adore you, i am so incredible proud of you as well.
I just was on the NWC website and I saw the amazing article about you on the website. You articulated your thoughs so well and communicated your love for NWC. You look so gorgeous! :)
Wincy, my life is so much richer knowing you.
Blessings,
Akka

My life is so much richer knowing my akka also... I miss her, I really really do. I have met soo many great people from Northwestern, especially from being a president and working with my core got me closer to some of the greatest people I've ever met in my life. Jamiella, one of the most awesome people I've ever met in my life, my dearest darling, who was ALWAYS, ALWAYS here to support me and be here for me... is not coming back because her major got cut and she felt the call to go to St. Clowns in Minneapolis. I do have a lot of 'other friends', but not many of them are 'my people' (that's how Daniel Unekis call them) and not many of them are those whom I'd go to. Jamiella was definately one of the fews I'd go to, and truely enjoy every single minutes being with her. She taught me a lot also, I see God's imagine in her so clearly and I just love her sooo much. She also sent me an e-mail when I needed people to rescue me from all those pressure from being a president last year.

Oh, Wincy! Babe! I love you very, very much!
You have such a great heart and you are SO loving and affectionate that you bless every person that you meet! Thank you for being such a source of joy in my life, friend! Truly, I don't know what I would do without you!

Have a BEAUTIFUL Wednesday!
xoxo

-Jamiella Shanae Quinn

And Emi, my love, whom I truely call her my bestest friend in Northwestern, told me that she's not coming back in the fall (and ever). I knew she might not be back next fall, but when she told me that she really isn't... I didn't want to face it. It was good that I was on the phone with you, otherwise I would have bursed out crying immediately.. Emi and I were always together in Northwestern. We needed weekly regular dates to keep each other updated since both of us were busy, but we needed those dinner dates soo badly because, only her (or to her, only me) could be the one who understands me and that I would be open with her about everything and trust that she was here for me so sincerely. I told her about everything, and when she needed me, she would leave me a message on MSN and we would set a date and talk... We've been through a lot also. She had her family problems and I had my own problems, and we would speak out and feel incredably great after every talk we had. She was always the one who told me that I was great and awesome, and she wrote me a letter on my birthday telling me that she truely admire me as a person, and thanked me for being here on earth.. it was really cute and sweet of her. We had such great times crying together over movies, and chatting about boys and people here and there... and, I really miss her.

Unlike you guys, every goodbyes MEANS goodbye. America is not us international students' home, and we will move back one day and continue lives there. You never know when, or how will you ever see these people again, and it's tough everytime to say a goodbye. There were Spanish friends that I knew and loved, who I met in England and when I left I knew we won't see each other anymore. Yes we could have kept contact and talked over internat, but the reality is that you have to move on and put all those behind. Which is sad and I don't know why I love people anymore. It's a heart break everytime we say a goodbye. WOuldn't it be easier if I never had loved them at first, so that it won't be that hard when I have to sail my boat away?

Boyfriend... I am sorry. THis post is a terrible post.. here are some of the things that I have been thinking.. and I just can't not be sad thinking about these. Boyfriend... I love you. I miss you sooo much.. and I really, really really really wish that you could be here with me.

Give me more loving from the very start,
Piece me back together when I fall apart,
Tell things you never even tell your closest friends-
Make it feel good when I hurt so bad, Best I that I've had,
I'm so glad I found you, I love being around you.


You make it easy, it's easy as 1,2 - 1,2,3,4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you -
I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3words and that's what I'll do



I love you