For You.: Love History Part B

I met Phil in my second school in England. He was two years older than I was, I was in year 10 and he was in year 12. We didn't get to know each other untill one day he came up to me and said he heard about me from others, that I am also a ABRSM (Associated Board of the Royal Schools of Music) 8th grader. He asked because he was an 8th grader too (which is pretty rare because it's not that easy to past the exams). We started with talking about music, and we started to see each other more and more from practising at similar times in the practise rooms.

He was an amazing pianist, he was the champion of south east England and he was just AMAZING at piano, or music in general. He was a straight A student, great musician that everyone knew about him from playing for chapel and big events. He was also the house captain and everybody liked him.. I was attracted to him right away, and wanted to get to know him more and more each day.

I didn't really get to know him until one day I dropped by his room, and we started talking about music and pieces he was practising and stuff.. and we started talking about families and friends and more of that.. and I noticed that he looked really sad so I asked what was going on. He told me all kinds of different things that were bothering him, and he told me he cried when he read his diary. He told me all those sad things he wrote in that secret diary, and that reading it everytime was such a pain. I asked him to throw it away because there was no point keeping sad memories, and I suggested him to burn it. I dragged him out, he got the lighter and then he burned it.

After that night, we got to know each other so well, and we started hanging out more and more and more. We pretty much sticked together everyday, we went to crazy morning practises every morning together and we would watch movies together after orchestra rehersals and do homework together.. We even went travel together and I introduced him to my old school mates when we went to visit. We would hold hands but he never asked me out although everyone already assumed that we were couples.

We started our relationship with a fight. I started to be really possessive, and wouldn't allow him to talk to any other girls. I was soo sensitive, and if he was talking to me but someone came and interuped, I would get real mad and yelled at him after we got back to his room. I was soooo crazily in love with him, which made me even more possessive and jealous of every thing. I cried at night by myself when saw him looking at other girls (because he was talking to them) and wouldn't talk to him anymore.. He was such a patient person that he would sit me down and explained over and over again that it would have been really rude of him if he didn't look at the person he was talking to.. I acted all kinds of crazy because I was scared that he was going to date any of the girls. He got sooo mad and yelled at me saying I was already his girlfriend there was no way that he could like anybody else. I frozed, and started crying.

That was how we started. Since that day, I started spending more and more and more time with him. I ignored everyone elses, I would only talk to him and to me, it was enough just having him. I needed him sooo much, that I had to see him 24-7. Every morning, he woke me up and talked to me on the phone, heard me get changed and then he would come over and pick me up. We ate breakfast together, went to morning practises together, went to assembly together, and we went to classes seperately. But I had to listen to his voice, and I had to see him standing outside the door waiting for me once the class was over. He walked me everywhere, we hung out together during recess, he walked me to my next class and sometimes I would call him during class to listen to his voice. Then he came to pick me up and went to the reflectory for lunch, we had lunch together and then went to string practises together (he played the violin and was the leader of our strings ensemble, I played the cello.) Then he walked me to classes, picked me up after school, went to practise our pianos seperately until supper, went to supper together and I would go to his room and hung out. We had a fixed bedtime in boarding schools, so when we had to seperate, we would have our skype video chat on and so that we could continue see each other. We would still have both our web camera on when we were in bed, so we felt we were sleeping right next to each other and each other was the first thing we saw in the morning when we both woke up.

It was madness. I was so dependent and he was everything to me. He took care of me, he taught me maths and made me do my homework, he taught me stuff and told me what to do what not to do.. I didn't have to think a thing when I was with him, he managed everything and all I needed to do was sit there and be myself. I would tell him at 3 in the morning that I wanted to eat that one special kind of pizza, and he would call the pizza company immediately and found out where he could get that. Then he would ran down town no matter how cold it was just to get the thing I wanted. He treated me like a baby princess, he did everything I asked no matter how ridiculous it was. I was such a terrible person, I was awful enough to ask him to do ridiculous stuffs intensionally, just to see if he really loved me. And if he couldn't, I would cry and made him feel terrible........ I was seriously a terrible person when I was with him. I was soooo emotional, and I was sooo rude to other people because I didn't care about anyone. I wouldn't talk to others and when I talked I said all kinds of mean things to make them mad, also to see how he would appologize and it was like a test of his love for me. I was sooooo spoiled. I cried all day when things weren't the way I wanted them to happen. When I got mad by bad results or got yelled by teachers I would get mad at Phil and sometimes bited him real hard (he cried once because I was biting too hard).

I dared to do every bad things to him and even yelled at him eventho he never did anything wrong. I even cheated on him once and liked someone else when we were still dating. Obviously he found out, but all he did was to talk to that boy, and told me not to do it anymore. I was such a terrible girlfriend.. I definately did torture him, and all of his friends hated me because of that. They told him to break up with me, but he wouldn't because he was so in love with me. I was so sure that he would still love me no matter what I did to him. It was true, but everything has a limit.

I started getting more and more ridiculous each day, and after being together for a year, it came to a time when we fought almost everyday. I cried every night before going to bed, I would yell at him in the phone and mentioned about breaking up everyday. He would keep calling and I would keep pressing the not-answer key. I would get a hundred missed calls from him but I still wouldn't answer but cry. There was hardly a day that we weren't fighting (because I was pushing him too far.. and it was the time when he really needed to concentrate because it was his a-level year.) I started getting more and more possessive, and would cry and mention about breaking up when he asked me to leave him alone to study. I would accuse him for being unfaithful, and kinda like telling myself that he didn't like me anymore. I was soooo upset everyday and wouldn't study and was stupid enough to do stupid things to myself. It was for sure an unhealthy relationship but the both of us loved each other too much to even think of not being together.

His parents hated me. They met me once, but they never had good comments about me. They knew what I did to their son, and they did succeed on making him break up with me once. We broke up for a week, but both of us couldn't stand not being together so we got back again. His father got sooo mad and had a heart attack and ended up went to the ER. I am dead serious, he did. But he's fine now, as far as I know.

Thinking about all these surprised me that we didn't break up way before we should. We broke up not because of my ridiculously possessiveness and jealousy, we broke up not because of his friends and family told him to, we broke up because it was going to be a long distance thing once I attend Northwestern in America.

We were fine when I first got here, but he started acting all kinds of cold after me being here a week or so. Then he mentioned a break up. He never said anything like that unless he was serious.. everytime when I mentioned breaking up he would cry and asked for another chance, he would do all kinds of stuff to make me happy and calm me down.. but that night, he was cold and asked for a break up. The night right because the orientation.

I cried for the whole night, and acted like I was okay the very next morning for orientation. He was my whole life, he was everything to me for at least 16months. And suddenly everything was gone and I was left behind, all alone in that strange new world.

I dated a guy two months after we broke up. It was madness because that person was not a nice person.. I couldn't stand behaving like that anymore so I ran away and didn't talk to him since then. A couple weeks later Caleb asked me out and I said yes. He was nice at first, but we never talked and I had no idea what was I doing. All my friends disliked him and asked me to break up with him because he was not being nice either, but I thought there was always a tomorrow, and that he would change when the sun rise the next morning.

Nothing changed, he cheated on me with my best friend at that time. Funny enough, I felt sooooooo relieved after he brought the whole breaking up thing. I cried because I was a terrible person but God still had salvation on me. I found my true love which is my compassionate God, and I got drawed to him closer and closer each day since then.

Phil, asked if there was a chance for us to get back together after knowing the break up. I said no. It was madness being with him, I would never wanted to do it again for both of our sakes. Also, he decided to give up on me once. Why would I give him another chance?

I was not going to date anybody, but then I met Bobby last Summer and I thought he was perfect for me. He was like a shining star, everybody liked him and we connected very well. We were besties in the camp, and we were both workaholics when it comes to working. He amazed me by being sooo young but sooo smart and organized. He was very sweet, however he lied to me and broke my heart. He broke his promise and disappeared. He broke my heart for once and I told myself that I would never let him do it. But then he found me again and made me fell in love with him again.. I trusted him and then, once again, he broke my heart and oh I never cried that bad for anyone whom I've met for such a short time.

After that I didn't want to date anyone anymore. Luckily I had God and I was surviving okay. I knew God had his plans, and he is always here holding me when he sees me weeping.

Then I met Zach. I found the one. God answers prayer, he had me sitting and waiting; he had me be patient and get to know you first. He placed you in LA and let our love grow by knowing each other more. He took me away from you for a summer just to make us grow stronger and make me to believe that when I truely love someone, I won't fall by the whole long distance thing; I get to learn to be patient and eventually put all that possessiveness/jealousy thingys away.

I know I still don't feel all kinds of secured. I am still scared... but God is teaching me so much. He want to learn things from you and with you, he wants me to grow into a stronger woman in order to face every crazy things that is going to happen soon. He wants me to take things slow, I had always been running way too fast and he wants me to slow down. He is maturing me and I do feel I have matured a lot. God wanted me to be that way, in order to love you and be yours.