Love History Part A

The Hunt for Red October is on TV now... and I thought of you :) I almost forgot that that's one of the movies we watched together... probably one of the early ones in our good old days :P I miss you.. I miss the Zach Owens I met in NWC whom I went visit all the time. I miss those watching-you-playing-video-games times and old movies good times with you and sometimes having Jake with us too:) I miss you soooooooooo much my silly. I love you.

Boyfriend I am sorry for yesterday's bad behaviour... I didn't mean to be mean I just thought.. somehow I just thought you didn't care about me and so I didn't want to talk anymore.. I am sorry. I notice I am always like that... Not that I don't trust you or anything.. I just felt maybe, you don't care about me as much as we both thought. I am sorry.. I told you I could be very sensitive and possessive.. I am. I really am. I get jealous of everybody who gets to be with you right now, I can imagine me disliking people if I think they are "stealing" me from you. I am sorry.. that scares me even , thinking I can be such a terrible person and easily dislike people just because of the tinest thing.. And what scares me even more, is, that's only a tiny part of my possessiveness. Oh I don't even want to go on anymore.. I told you, my love for you is scary.

There was someone who said that I was good at making the other one guilty.. and that's my way of making people love me more.

I don't know if that's true, I don't even know what that really means. But all I know is, I was not a good girlfriend to anybody.

I don't think I've went through my love history with you.. Not sure why. I remember you told me yours once, but somehow I never shared with you.. maybe parts of them, but for sure not the entire thing. Maybe you don't care or wouldn't want to hear about it, but I just thought what I had has shaped me the person I am now, and maybe I should tell you literally EVERYTHING. Well, maybe not every details, I can tell you EVERYTHING on the phone but better not on here ;) So I am just going to try to describe things as briefly I can on here hahaha. Hopefully you'll still get the idea of all that and maybe after knowing them you would figure me out better (lol)

I had my first boyfriend when I was in elementary school.. Remember I told you I had my first crush already since Kindergarten? I wrote love letters to him (I hadn't even learned how to write yet and so I asked my bro to write for me) and told him that I loved him and that he had to report everthing he did on days when we didn't get to see each other.... well I guess I already had my symptoms of possessiveness way back when.

So there was no surprise I already got a boyfriend when I was 12. Pure enough, we never kissed or held hands or did anything other "couples" do. (We were 12!) We didn't even really hang out outside of school at all. We obviously sticked together whenever we got to and just be together... and call each other boyfriend girlfriend and wouldn't allow him to talk to other girls.. Our relationship was pretty much owning each other and preventing others talking to the other one. It was fun when friend made fun of us and we went blushing.. and it was fun having a friend that I owned totally.. but other than that it was nothing.

He "broke up" with me a month after we got seperated by attending different secondary schools, because he found out that Wincy cheated on him by liking one of her brother's close friends. I really liked that friend of my bro guy, and I liked him for on and off two years and I cried all day and night and went crazy for him... but we never dated. He dated different girls eventho people told me that he liked me too but we just never dated.

But I dated his friends! It was stupid of me. When I was younger I never thought love is true and that love should be faithful and sincere.. I played around a lot and thought I was still young so no point being serious...I dated one of his best friends "just to make Kevin mad". Obviously his friend didn't know that Kevin was the one who I liked, but still that relationship didn't last long because all I wanted was to drive Kevin mad. Interesting enough, Kevin had two best friend, and the other one whome I hadn't dated asked me out.. so I thought that was a great oppertunity to drive Kevin mad then finally admit that he liked me.. however, he started dating other girls and I was sooo heart broken. I told that guy who I was dating the truth, and he broke up with me on Valentine's day.

Then somehow I dated the guy who was 10 years older than I was.. We were like friends but he would quit work when I told him it would be a school holiday for me the very next day. He took me everywhere and taught me things I never knew, he was more like a brother to me and he still is. But then he started liking someone else and at the same time I had to leave for England, so we both let go and see how great his fiance and him are now :)

I didn't want to date anybody when I was in England, and it was a girl's school so I had a good whole year of not dating anybody. But when I got back for summer, I dated a guy whom I met in my old secondary school. He used to like one of my closest friends and that was how I knew about him, but I never thought I would have dated him. He was the first guy I've held hands with and kissed. We started toward the end of that summer but after being back in England for a couple months, he wrote me a letter saying he didn't want a long distanced relationship anymore. And he accused me for not loving him because I would blow off phone call dates with him to hang out with people.

The same year I transfered to a new school because I hated the first school I went in England. And that was how I met Phil.

Well, Phil was a big part of this whole history thing.. but I am getting tired so maybe I should stop here and continue tomorrow :P

Boyfriend... All I want to say is...

I really love you. Just so you know.. that DON"T WORRY! I've changed a lot and I know I found my only love for life.. that is YOU. YOU Zachary Owens, YOU!

I love you soooo much.. and I can't wait to talk to you in the morning.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh I am soooooooooo tired... I want to edit this post after posting it but maybe I should just head to bed and leave everything as it is.. I love you sooo much.

zzzzzZZZZzzZZZzzzzz

Sorry boyfriend... harrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

i love you!